to know what you want and to know you cant have it at all.

sooooo i think i have that bitch crazy situation solved for now. at least for the most part... shes still fucking crazy. oh man. but we know that her bf had no idea about any of this. she was definitely making it all up. i couldve told you that. but now its official. fuck you, bitch craaazy!

and that kid... you know, my stalker? well he was seen with a girl... seriously. dont tell me you like me and everything then turn around and mean pretty much absolutely nothing by it. seriously, it hurts. big time. i hate this.

haha. so i was driving around with jen, and blake pulls around me, going like 10 over the speed limit. of all people, i hit him. fuck. well, i started texting him and whatever. told him i hadnt seen him in like forever and that i thought maybe he had died. :P he told me we have to hang out sometime. i said sure. but hes all like "you say you will, but will you really?" well if he wants to, then sure?! dur. so either friday or saturday... idk. i really hate how i waited til last year to start like actually talking to people. most of whom were a grade above me. so theyre all moving out and up. thats probably one of my biggest regrets... 

later, ill probably end up driving around, hoping to find my stalker... even though im sure he hates me. im pathetic.

this is not my heart.

i apologized for being all weird yesterday. then i told him id leave him alone, and he kinda freaked. i dont get it. he saw me in town today and i didnt see him. then he told me to come find him. i drove around for literally forever. and couldnt find him. i told him i wouldnt talk to him if he didnt help me out. he got upset... i finally asked for a hint, and he said north. i finally saw him and he was sitting at someones house. then he went home. what a loser. i just wish he would ask to hang out sometime. or something. id really like for him to ask me out. but whatever. i dont know anymore.

update on bitch craaazy: angie called and talked to her today. she said that i had asked her boyfriend "do you wanna go to a movie sometime?" in front of three regulars, don, jim, and ray. angie asked both don and jim about it and they said they saw no such thing. first of all, if you ask someone to go to a movei with them, doesnt it usually that crazy lady is still freaking out about it. if it goes any further, bobbie said shed have to step in and put a stop to it.

and did i mention that im obsessed with the "happy together" target commercial? :]

 theyre filling his gut.

'cuz ur sweat and really cute and even tho you dont talk much i like your personality.' 8/17/08

that gave me the biggest butterflies in my tummy ever. and the biggest smile on my face. honestly, hes driving me insane. i love the kid. but whatever. thats all it ever is. he says he likes me. he says it a million times. but thats all it ever is. and hes like "your point is?" and i reply with "no point. im just dumb." god, im an idiot. i dont understand. i want this sooooo bad. and his little spelling mistakes make me smile, even though im crazy about that crap. but i guess you could say im crazy about him. fuck. heres to crying myself to sleep about this again. im sick of it. he says he understands girls. but what the hell? im about ready to give up.

and tonight at work, im told that this crazy woman (aka, BITCH CRAAAZY!) is talking shit about me. apparently i asked out her boyfriend like 6 months ago and he turned me down. what the hell. hes like 47. NO. i wouldnt do that. and i drive around town (which i do, a lot actually) i hang out my window and scream "HEEEEY HOTTIE!" to him. what the fuck? i dont even know who these people are. its pissing me off.