right in to place...

so im 17 now. and i think i might possibly be getting my birthday wish. jake texted me at 11:35. "happy birthday!" was all it said. i dont know how in the world he remembered that. but hey, im not complaining. we texted forever and he said were hanging out tomorrow. im happy. :]

well, ive got a book to read. i just got twilight. now that everybody else has already read them all. i just start on the first one. woot.

you really have no idea how much  that single text made my day. i hope tomorrows great...

 theyre filling his gut.

'cuz ur sweat and really cute and even tho you dont talk much i like your personality.' 8/17/08

that gave me the biggest butterflies in my tummy ever. and the biggest smile on my face. honestly, hes driving me insane. i love the kid. but whatever. thats all it ever is. he says he likes me. he says it a million times. but thats all it ever is. and hes like "your point is?" and i reply with "no point. im just dumb." god, im an idiot. i dont understand. i want this sooooo bad. and his little spelling mistakes make me smile, even though im crazy about that crap. but i guess you could say im crazy about him. fuck. heres to crying myself to sleep about this again. im sick of it. he says he understands girls. but what the hell? im about ready to give up.

and tonight at work, im told that this crazy woman (aka, BITCH CRAAAZY!) is talking shit about me. apparently i asked out her boyfriend like 6 months ago and he turned me down. what the hell. hes like 47. NO. i wouldnt do that. and i drive around town (which i do, a lot actually) i hang out my window and scream "HEEEEY HOTTIE!" to him. what the fuck? i dont even know who these people are. its pissing me off. 

 well i, i would have never known.

oh, and this kid. im serioulsy obsessed. yes, my stalker. jake. i love him. fuck. he says he likes me. but thats it. THATS IT. quit fucking telling me you like me unless youre going to do something about it, god damnit. I LIKE YOU TOO!  honestly, i need to get over it. but i cant. no ones ever told me they liked me before, that ive actually liked. and ive liked him for a long time. turns out he was going to ask me to prom. but nooooooo, i went with andrew and regretted it. stared at jake the entire fucking time. wished. but idk. then he tells me he was going to ask me out but never did cause he didnt think i liked him that way. FUCK! why? it seriously kills me. and him telling me he wants to kiss me. stop it. youre killing me here. i have like 284920 saved texts from him. 

'i was actualy guna ask u to prom. but i waited to long and i figured that u wouldnt want to go with me.' 3/15/08. 

'oh. uk i was guna ask you out b4.' 5/31/08. 

'yea i still like you. your the only person i kiss on the cheak.' 5/31/08. 

'i kinda wana kiss you. dont ask.' 6/5/08. 

'u really dont kno how bad i wana kiss you. but shh nobody needs to kno but you.' 6/19/08. 

'but i like you.' 8/15/08.

and thats only some of them. shit, ive never wanted anything this bad. im completely serious. i cant just let it go. idk why i even like him. well hell, why does he like me? for crying out fucking loud. i dont get it. :[